I understood what she meant.
Change is difficult
and sometimes even though we long to step out in faith
our desire for safety and security keeps us clinging to the sides of what is comfortable.
Faith battles fears as we weigh the options.
Back and forth.
But our God calls us to trust Him.
To depend on His Strength and Wisdom
and focusing upon this
to follow Him.
Years ago I sensed that He wanted me to adopt a second child.
It was just after I was accepted into a PH.D. program in Family Studies
and my oldest was 7.
Life was calm and settled.
Adopt again? I questioned it.
It was not in my plan
definitely not the way I saw my life unfolding.
Matter of fact, I had given away all the little baby things.
But I sensed that familiar wrestling inside.
don’t say no
wait upon the Lord time.
So I took a couple of days off from work
and went to the North Carolina beach.
Just my daughter and I.
I need to have some quiet time
and listen, I told her.
Back and forth I walked the beach
day after day
Barefoot and open before the Lord. Pouring out my heart.
Desperate for His leading. So much depended upon my getting it right.
But He cared more that I ‘get it’ then I realized.
Back and forth on that cool sand with the ocean breezes blowing my hair every which way.
My boat was so comfortable
I knew how to juggle parenting one child and working.
But the idea of adding on another child and the whole process of adopting again
I sank back against the bottom of my boat and shrank in weakness.
Lord, you know I cried out looking across the vast sea.
And then I sensed it
as softly as the gentlest touch
as loving as the kindest word
and as firm as the most confident directive.
Follow Me. There is another little girl that I want you to mother.
There it was.
Yes, a thousand questions but my heart knew.
So I slowly climbed out of that boat and with my eyes held by His amazing Love
I began to walk towards Him.
Fears abounded but His Call was much stronger. It was something I had to do.
Today that daughter is thirteen. Growing rapidly. Opening like a flower.
And again and again I realize that He makes no mistakes.
Easy to follow Him and get out of our secure boats?
No, but I wouldn’t trade this life of trusting Him and needing Him