She was so very small when I brought her home from Russia.
Big brown eyes. Beautiful olive colored skin. And a smile that would light up the room.
I never ceased to grow weary of looking at her
and constantly whispering, “ Thank you Jesus.”
I knew that she was a gift on loan from Him.
The first night home I carefully laid her in her white crib
noticing again how very tiny she was
and how very big that crib was.
I covered her with a light pink baby blanket and after a few long moments
of watching her drop off to sleep
I turned and walked to my bedroom
only a short distance from Noelle’s room
and practically fell
to sleep. The long adoption trip, jet lag, it all caught up with me.
But somewhere during the night I woke with a start.
I jumped out of my bed
raced to her room, ran to the side of the crib, and looked down.
She had somehow scooted herself way up to the top of the mattress.
Fear struck me like a knife.
What if she was dead? How could she possibly breathe?
My eyes focused on her back pleading for there to be some sign of life.
I saw it. That gentle up and down.
She was asleep. Peacefully sleeping through her first night at home.
I breathed a long sigh of relief and stood watching her for a while,
gently re-positioning her
Again weariness crept over me like the fog
so I slowly walked back to my own room
and went to sleep.
This happened more than once.
As long as I could watch my baby sleeping I was at peace.
But those fears continued to pester me.
robbing me of some much needed sleep.
I remembered that precious verse from the Psalms
“He that watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”(Ps 121:4)
why then was I so worried. My God, the One Who deeply loves you and I,
stays awake round the clock
watching over us.
We can sleep.
We must sleep and let Him be God.
Yes, I smile today as I remember that first night.
My anxieties as a first time mother.
My yearnings to just know that my baby girl was alive and ok.
But I learned to let Him stay awake so that I could sleep at night.
Our Lord cares for us far deeper than we ever could. He draws near us in all our difficulties.
He feels our deepest needs and is right there with us.
He tenderly draws us even closer and cradles us in His arms.
He whispers through the every day moments of life.
“Trust Me and rest.”
Sink down in His Love today, my friends, and know that He has everything under control.
His plans for you are good.