Tag Archives: waiting

In The Waiting Room

It’s been one of those times lately

when I’m aware that I’m on hold in the waiting room of life.

I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed

and there seems to be no answer.

Day after day. Night after night. No seeming change.

“God is faithful,” I say again. And down deep in my heart I know that it is true.

But this narrow waiting room is tough.

It traps me.

I can’t go forward – can’t make a decision-

until I know.

Alone I remind myself of the truth –

God’s silence is how it feels, it is not how it is.

No, He is here. He is with me and He knows.

But I struggle humanly wanting to cut short the process and fast forward life.

When stuck in the desert I must remember the Truth.

He is here.  He is with me. He is with you. Always.

Years ago I struggled with a decision

One that would change the rest of my life.

I longed for God’s Will.

I hungered for Him to just tell me.

But day after day there was only silence

and night after night the same.

As frequently happens on planet earth

Time was running out.

I needed to make a decision.

Would I adopt a second child

or would I continue on to get my PhD in Family Studies?

It was easier to just go ahead with the academic work.

I had already been accepted into the doctoral program.

But

there was this nagging uncertainty and lack of peace.

A little girl needed me.  I thought I sensed that crazy thought.

I know it was ridiculous.

Why look at my age –  and I had long since given away all my little baby girl things.

But the noise within me and without grew with the passing of time.

God, where are you? I cried.

Quite suddenly I decided to get away for a few days –

to get away from work and daily responsibilities and all the normal routines.

I took my young daughter out of school

and started driving to the beach.

Mile after mile I drove all the way pondering the life changing choice before me.

Day after day I walked the beach in the early morning hours.

Day after day.

One step on the sand at a time.

Listening. Asking but mostly being still. Sea air blowing my hair moments.

I saw no visions,

heard no voices,

no fireworks or writing in the sky.

Simply peace.

And that growing desire to do what He wanted me to do.

Yes, Lord, I cried out into the silence while the tears trickled down my face.

Yes, Lord. I say yes.

With that it was as if everything was set into motion.

Another adoption was begun

that eventually ended in my going back to Russia.

I walked out of the waiting room and into the wild, crazy ride of an international adoption.

I faced challenges and was stretched in many ways

But I knew that He with me.

During those early morning walks on the beach I had sensed His Peace,

and that stayed with me

reminding me that when He calls me to do something much bigger than I

He is with me. I do not need to be afraid.

Silence never means you are alone. That is how it feels.

But that same silence only says He is very present

and at the right time

He will reveal the next step

Are you in the waiting room right now?

Do you feel the pressure of needing to know?

Rest in Him. He satisfies the need of every trusting heart.

May our waiting room experiences be transformed into worship.

And with that we both can receive His peace.

 

 

 

When You Can’t See Anything

It was an overcast November day as I remember it

that somehow matched my mood

so many years ago.

Nothing seemed to be happening

and that longing in my heart

to have my own sweetly smelling little baby

refused to be quieted.

It seemed that wherever I turned women were having children

or playing with children

or carrying children. Sigh.

And although I had surrendered that longing to the Lord Who knows all

many, many  times in the past

somehow on this day

it hurt more than ever.

“Lord, do you see?

Do you care?

Are you listening?”

Silence wrapped itself around my aching heart

and drew me into its loving arms.

“I see

I know

I care,” my dear child.

“Behind the scenes I work for those who love me.”

I smile as I reflect back on that time –

that stretch of long years when I waited

without seeing any indication of answer to my prayer.

Today, I mother two beautiful daughters and my life is full.

But the lesson is etched on my heart with love

and today I give thanks again.

For every ordinary day when nothing seemed to be happening

and every moment of learning to trust when I could not see anything.

Waiting can be so difficult.

Waiting and having no idea of the outcome.

Waiting that leads to greater trust because of a growing love for the Shepherd.

Waiting that tenderly whispers

Will you give me all of your hopes and dreams

and just trust me?

Waiting that draws us to surrender is a sacred journey.

Have you found it to be so?

Give Him all your hopes and dreams

All those broken pieces

and He will show you the Way

that is so much better than you could possibly have imagined.

Are you waiting for something today?

My heart understands so well your longings.

He will never fail you.

Never.

jenny's adoption

Lord, It’s So Hard To Wait

image02Waiting is so painfully difficult.

Praying, pleading for God to answer

to do something

anything

To step in and give some small glimpse of His Glorious Presence and Mighty Power.

But the sun sets on one more day without any sign

or trace of hope.

Nothing at all.

Waiting can be so very hard.

Where are you, Lord?

Do you hear my prayer?

Do you see?

I’m tempted to force a solution –

To push invisible boulders out of the way like Sarah of old

Foolish flesh

Impatient spirit

“Learn to trust Me,” He whispers.

Behind every wait our Father works

tenderly, lovingly, carefully preparing the way.

His Time will never be hurried.

Many wait for years and years

tear stained prayers

on bended knees

Outstretched hands and open mouths.

Waiting is so very hard.

But

when the answer comes

after so many days and months and years of waiting

joy breaks forth with  symphonies of praise

and glorious overflowing.

Angels singing as I slowly begin to realize that He’s teaching me to trust His Will.

Humbled soul bowed low in worship as once more His Love washes over me.