Tag Archives: pain

Sometimes It Hurts

Every change involves letting go of what has been

to embrace the new.

Now I don’t know about you but that’s sometimes been a process for me.

Letting go of the beautiful pink flowered bedroom in Kansas City

for the ugly yellow bedroom in Owego.

But it didn’t take me long to get it repainted.

Saying good bye to one career to start another.

Memories of that long walk down the school hall one day

a few years ago.

Lump in my throat. Tears stinging my eyes.

Alone.

The only sound – that of my high heels on the floor.

The end of a most enjoyable season of my life.

Yes.

Sigh.

To start building a small private counseling practice.

Something I had no background in.

But to do it I had to be all in.

Invested.

Committed to helping the people I served.

Letting go of the comfortable and familiar to embrace the strange and the new.

Every change involves letting go of what has been to take hold of the new.

Not easy.

Many times involving a season of grieving.

Although I had prayed and thought it through

the selling of my beloved white cape cod house

to move a long way away

was very difficult.

The actual time of signing the papers and pulling that door closed the last time

was painfully  hard.

But through it all God was there.

He smooths the rough places and gives strength to the weary.

He leads us gently from one place to the next.

From one season of life to another one.

There’s a time to let go

And a time to embrace.

  There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:..A right time to hold on and another to let go. Ecclesiastes 3:1,2 Msg

Like a child clinging to his favorite toy

I’ve sometimes been guilty of clinging tightly to what I’ve had and enjoyed

so tightly that it was hard to imagine ever feeling at peace again.

But the truth is I eventually was.

Each season has its own color, its own fragrance, its own song.

Let God have that cherish toy you are grasping to yourself

and trust Him to provide for your next season of life too

He will not fail you. He understands.

Every change involves letting go of what has been

to embrace the new.

Don’t miss the new because of fear of change.

Place your hand in His Big Loving Hand.

He is Faithful.

 

Sleeping Dolls, Silent Dreams

Twenty six years ago these words were penned. My heart overflowed with longing and pain.

May these words somehow comfort the heart of some woman today

who, too, longs and waits. He knows your heart. He cares.mother's day sleeping dolls, silent tears

 

A few months ago, I was cleaning in the attic

and came upon a big, old box tightly sealed, covered with dust, unmarked.

Wondering what was in it, I ran for the scissors and cut the tape.

As I opened the lid and saw what was inside

my heart twisted in sudden pain.

There lay my beloved dolls, my childhood playmates, sleeping.

Tenderly I lifted the large baby dolls- the one with soft brown curls and deep blue eyes.

I gently held her in my arms.

Her eyes were closed –

that peaceful smile still on her face.

As I held her, smoothing the little gingham dress and touching the knitted booties

My mind drifted back to days of long ago.

I had always loved playing with dolls.

And while I dressed them, fed them, and rocked them,

I dreamed about the day when I would hold my very own child.

My own flesh.

I wanted a house full of children, laughter and giggles.

But

the years have come and gone – and today

Those dreams seem further from reality than ever before.

It hurts.

The longing is so deep.

As I rose to lay my sleeping doll back in the box,

Tears trickled silently down my cheeks.

“Oh Father, You know how deeply I long;

How many times I’ve asked, Father. You know that I’m getting older.

Someday it will be too late.

“Daughter of Mine,” I heard Him whisper,

“do you really trust Me with all your dearest dreams,

with all your deepest longings?

My plans for you are the best. Just wait. You’ll see.

Now….feed My sheep.”

I closed the lid to my silent dreams and arose to serve my Lord—

grateful that He knows what is best.

 

When The Rain Outside Blocks The Sun

Outside the world is dark and drear

Cold rain steadily trickling downviolet

adding to the challenge of  a Monday.

Although it might be easy to give in to the mood of the weather outside

I realize there is more.

Deep inside is a song

a perpetual  song that sings in all kinds of weather.

A song of hope

that no matter how things might look

there is more than my eyes can see.

There is more to this life

than the day after day existence.

There is a song of life

that lifts my heart when all I can see is rain and pain.

So for this moment as I write fully aware of the pain of living

and the wretchedness of letting go

I am more aware than ever

that life has meaning far beyond what our eyes can see.

“Bloom today,” my little violet seemed to whisper

and so I will.

Yes, with a straighter back and a genuine smile

I will bloom with all that I have.

Will you join me today?

Together we will encourage a world that struggles to believe.