Tag Archives: Mother’s Day

Sleeping Dolls, Silent Dreams

Twenty six years ago these words were penned. My heart overflowed with longing and pain.

May these words somehow comfort the heart of some woman today

who, too, longs and waits. He knows your heart. He cares.mother's day sleeping dolls, silent tears

 

A few months ago, I was cleaning in the attic

and came upon a big, old box tightly sealed, covered with dust, unmarked.

Wondering what was in it, I ran for the scissors and cut the tape.

As I opened the lid and saw what was inside

my heart twisted in sudden pain.

There lay my beloved dolls, my childhood playmates, sleeping.

Tenderly I lifted the large baby dolls- the one with soft brown curls and deep blue eyes.

I gently held her in my arms.

Her eyes were closed –

that peaceful smile still on her face.

As I held her, smoothing the little gingham dress and touching the knitted booties

My mind drifted back to days of long ago.

I had always loved playing with dolls.

And while I dressed them, fed them, and rocked them,

I dreamed about the day when I would hold my very own child.

My own flesh.

I wanted a house full of children, laughter and giggles.

But

the years have come and gone – and today

Those dreams seem further from reality than ever before.

It hurts.

The longing is so deep.

As I rose to lay my sleeping doll back in the box,

Tears trickled silently down my cheeks.

“Oh Father, You know how deeply I long;

How many times I’ve asked, Father. You know that I’m getting older.

Someday it will be too late.

“Daughter of Mine,” I heard Him whisper,

“do you really trust Me with all your dearest dreams,

with all your deepest longings?

My plans for you are the best. Just wait. You’ll see.

Now….feed My sheep.”

I closed the lid to my silent dreams and arose to serve my Lord—

grateful that He knows what is best.

 

When Mother’s Day Is Hard

Life is not made up of big moments…

but in many simple,  ordinary days.

Days when there is no one to pat you on the back and cheer you on.

Days when you feel alone.

Moments when there is no one who even seems to notice.

Ordinary days.

We must give our best on those days

and big moments will come only now and then.

That is life.

For many, many years I longed to be a mother.

My heart would ache at each Mother’s Day celebration and I wondered.

Would I ever hold my own, freshly bathed, sweet smelling baby?

Tears flowed in silent and countless prayers were whispered

to the One Who knows all.

But nothing changed.

Nothing seemed to happen.

Slowly over the years my heart surrendered its deepest longings to the One Who knows me better than I know myself.

If it is not to be

may my ordinary life be a pleasing offering to You, Lord.

In His time and in His Way

He placed in my arms a tiny baby girl

and with the gift came laughter, love and a life that flourished with purpose, peace and passion.

Nothing, nothing could have ever satisfied me as this blessed child who is now a beautiful young woman.

Nothing.

Sometimes I am asked if I ever ache…if I ever wished that I had had my ‘own’ child.

The answer is always the same.

No. My heart is full and satisfied that the two daughters He has given me are totally mine.

Daughters of my heart.

His Plan- only mine to discover.

More ordinary days.

My heart still reaches out in love and care

to the many women today who long to have a child.

Only one who has been there can fully understand the raw frustration and helpless anguish

of broken dreams and shattered hopes.

But He is the One Who loves to take every teardrop, every cry and use it

to weave something beautiful in your life.

He is faithful. Always. And He knows your deepest longings.

The God Who never forgets will remember you.

Just wait. You’ll see.

Believe for that big moment. Trust Him to unfold His plan and reveal His Will.

He still makes something beautiful out of shattered hopes

and wraps tender arms around each hurting woman.

Listen in the silence and hear His heartbeat over you.

He never forgets.

For now, your ordinary moments are known to Him.

And He cares.

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That Unforgettable Red Hat

red hat 1There was no question about it –

Mother’s Day was a day to celebrate our mother.

And back then it meant walking to the local 5 & 10 store to buy the perfect gift.

I will never forget that year when I was eight and my brother ten.

We talked together in whispered voices in our room

and counted out change –

dumping out all the pennies, nickels and dimes onto  our bed from our money jars

our savings from weeks and weeks of quarter allowances.

That year it hardly seemed enough

but it was all we had.

And if we put our money together we thought  we just might be able to buy something really nice.

That particular day as we walked back and forth in the aisles of the store

we saw nothing that caught our eyes. Absolutely nothing!

Jewelry, purses, delicate figurines of birds, etc –

Nothing was quite good enough

for our one –in–a-million mom.

I was just turning to leave when my eyes fell on a red hat.

It was beautiful as it perched on the holder for all to see.

I reached over and tugged at my brother’s sleeve

and pointed.

“That’s it,” he said looking at me with excitement.

But almost at the same time we wondered.

Would we possibly have enough money to buy it? It was so pretty —

He glanced up at the carefully tucked under price tag

and pulled it out  to see the cost.

I immediately knew that it would be close and wondered if we had enough to buy such a beautiful gift.

We pulled out our bag filled with all our savings.

“We’ve got it,” my brother doing some mental figuring  and my heart jumped for joy.

I could just imagine our Mom wearing this gorgeous  red hat.

“Can I help you?” a voice from behind us asked.

I turned and looked up at this very tall, straight faced  woman.

“We’d like to buy this hat..for our mother.”

She reached over and took the hat off  its stand

and began walking towards the checkout.

My brother and I followed closely behind her.

There at the counter we counted out our pile of change.

Yes, all those pennies and nickels and dimes

and surprisingly we had enough. My brother was right!

Just enough to buy the best Mother’s Day gift in the world.

Yes, I can still see us walking, practically skipping home that day.

And I can still remember my mom’s smiling face

when she opened that box and took out that hat.

Sometimes words don’t even have to be spoken.

We knew,

my brother and I,

that she liked it.

Well the years have come and gone

I have no idea whatever happened to that hat

but the memory of that time will stay with me forever.

If hats are worn in heaven she is proudly wearing that red one today.