Tag Archives: choices

In The Waiting Room

It’s been one of those times lately

when I’m aware that I’m on hold in the waiting room of life.

I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed

and there seems to be no answer.

Day after day. Night after night. No seeming change.

“God is faithful,” I say again. And down deep in my heart I know that it is true.

But this narrow waiting room is tough.

It traps me.

I can’t go forward – can’t make a decision-

until I know.

Alone I remind myself of the truth –

God’s silence is how it feels, it is not how it is.

No, He is here. He is with me and He knows.

But I struggle humanly wanting to cut short the process and fast forward life.

When stuck in the desert I must remember the Truth.

He is here.  He is with me. He is with you. Always.

Years ago I struggled with a decision

One that would change the rest of my life.

I longed for God’s Will.

I hungered for Him to just tell me.

But day after day there was only silence

and night after night the same.

As frequently happens on planet earth

Time was running out.

I needed to make a decision.

Would I adopt a second child

or would I continue on to get my PhD in Family Studies?

It was easier to just go ahead with the academic work.

I had already been accepted into the doctoral program.

But

there was this nagging uncertainty and lack of peace.

A little girl needed me.  I thought I sensed that crazy thought.

I know it was ridiculous.

Why look at my age –  and I had long since given away all my little baby girl things.

But the noise within me and without grew with the passing of time.

God, where are you? I cried.

Quite suddenly I decided to get away for a few days –

to get away from work and daily responsibilities and all the normal routines.

I took my young daughter out of school

and started driving to the beach.

Mile after mile I drove all the way pondering the life changing choice before me.

Day after day I walked the beach in the early morning hours.

Day after day.

One step on the sand at a time.

Listening. Asking but mostly being still. Sea air blowing my hair moments.

I saw no visions,

heard no voices,

no fireworks or writing in the sky.

Simply peace.

And that growing desire to do what He wanted me to do.

Yes, Lord, I cried out into the silence while the tears trickled down my face.

Yes, Lord. I say yes.

With that it was as if everything was set into motion.

Another adoption was begun

that eventually ended in my going back to Russia.

I walked out of the waiting room and into the wild, crazy ride of an international adoption.

I faced challenges and was stretched in many ways

But I knew that He with me.

During those early morning walks on the beach I had sensed His Peace,

and that stayed with me

reminding me that when He calls me to do something much bigger than I

He is with me. I do not need to be afraid.

Silence never means you are alone. That is how it feels.

But that same silence only says He is very present

and at the right time

He will reveal the next step

Are you in the waiting room right now?

Do you feel the pressure of needing to know?

Rest in Him. He satisfies the need of every trusting heart.

May our waiting room experiences be transformed into worship.

And with that we both can receive His peace.

 

 

 

I Just Couldn’t Go On

I just couldn’t go on.

It was pouring rain outside. Yes, it was a warm rain but it was literally pouring.

On  my drive home from the office today I saw an elderly man walking.

Holding a red umbrella,

bent over

walking , trudging  through the heavy rain.

I just couldn’t go on.

It bothered me. Why he needed to be in the safe shelter of warmth and light

not pushing through the harsh elements.

But he was on the opposite side of the road. I was not going his way.

It would have been so easy to just keep driving.

Really, it wasn’t my problem. Or was it? My heart pondered the situation.

He was a man and I a woman. I had no obligation to help him.

But…..I couldn’t go on.

All  I know is that at that moment in time

his problem was mine.

Memories came to mind of a time years ago when a lovely lady pulled her van up beside me.

I was drenched in the heavy rain.

“Want a lift?” she called out. I looked at her smiling face and those of her kids

and proceeded to gratefully hop up into the van.

I shall never forget her kindness that day.

Now a similar situation was before me.

I just couldn’t go on.

I drove the car around and came up beside him

Rolled down the window.

He looked up at me through sheets of heavy rain.

Smiled and nodded in the direction of his destination.

I understood and smiled back so glad to know that he was home.

I watched while he slowly trudged up the wet sidewalk and then disappeared through the door.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me that opportunity. rainy evening

We are surrounded on all side by people in need.

Some are more obvious than others.

Even the smallest action of care matters

to the One Who cares for the sparrows.

Let’s write our words with hearts filled with care,

and live our lives  with eyes open to see

and hands willing to give.

Will you join me?

Let’s not pass them by. Together you and I can change this world.

 

 

 

Need Or Call

The need is great. All around us are people hurting and longing for release from pain, pressure and poverty.

I look at my meager supply with frustration. It is too small. No matter how hard I try to make it spread I can’t make it wrap itself around this hurting world or even dent the immense need. I can’t even spread it very far in my own neighborhood but I try.

Sigh.

Never will I forget my longing to scoop up all the children in the orphanage and pull them to me. They all deserved love and a family of their own. I was ready and willing.

But I had limits. I knew that I could only take this little baby in my arms. As I walked that long hall on my way out of that orphanage my ears rang with the piercing cries of those children. Although it has been many years I do not forget. I must not.

But every need is not a call.

God is God and I most certainly am not.

I live with limits in every area. Physical, emotional, material…..

He has not created me to meet every need. Only He can do that.

But He has called me to give and spend my life doing what I can. Caring for my two daughters. Serving Him with all I have and am. It is important that I learn to live within my limits and not become confused or I find myself becoming overwhelmed.

The needs are so great wherever you go.

But if every one of us follows God’s call and does what he can no matter how seemingly small, He will multiply our simple loaves and fishes and use them to do more than we can possibly imagine. I believe that. Do you?

Listen in the quiet. Pay attention to what tugs at your heart. A cup of cold water here.

A piece of bread there. A smile. A hug. A note written just at the right time.

That’s exactly how God lovingly works to meet the needs.

Fix your gaze upon His Face and follow Him.

One moment at a time.

One action after another.

Trusting.

Resting.

Loving.