“You have to go in alone,” I was told that day.

Court day in Russia.

The adoption of Jenny pending.

As I opened the door, I whispered a prayer for peace

and that the adoption would be approved.

My heart. My longing.

I felt all of it that day ten years ago.

I took the seat motioned for me

and looked around the austere room.

A variety of officials were clustered around the table in the front.

My eyes fell on the judge.

A woman,

Minutes passed like hours as I waited.

They spoke to each other in Russian

every once in a while glancing my way.

Heart in throat moment.

Suddenly they all stopped talking

and she addressed me. I stood to my feet.

“You are prepared to adopt this child?”

“Yes,” I answered.

Prepared? I had been in the process for what seemed like an eternity.

“You are single?” she asked with eyes that seemed to bore holes through me.

“Yes,” I answered.

And then her tone shifted.

All eyes looked at me.

“What will you do if some man wants to marry you

but doesn’t want your daughter?”

No time to think.

No time to ponder the impact of my words.

No time was really needed.

That decision had been made years before.

“I would not marry any man who did not want either one of my daughters.

I would not marry.”

I noticed the judge’s mouth turn up with just a hint of a smile. A brief nod

and she proceeded to sign the papers.

The next thing I knew they gave me the signal to leave the room.

The adoption was approved

and Jenny was on her  way home.

Some decisions must be made before the actual situation presents itself.

For me,

my daughters have always come first.

Parenting is a decision that impacts all other choices.

Although it hasn’t always been easy

it has been good.

God has provided for all our needs and He always will.

Yes, marriage might still come one day but I will know  when it is right.

Some moments shine with the light of His Presence

that lift them above the ordinary.

Such was the moment this day

When I spoke before a roomful of Russians

a decision of my heart

that  would effect everything.