Me? Anxious?

As I sat down in my seat on that huge jet that night more than twenty years ago

waves of sickening anxiety rolled over me and clung to body like heavy chains.

This was it. I was on my way to adopt a six month old baby girl from Russia

and I had to go. Yes, I had to. My heart refused to miss this opportunity.

But as I sat there on that plane that had yet to take to the air

anxiety grew and I began to feel overwhelmed.

What if……?

Yes, what if I never even made it there?

Well, at least I’d know that I had tried, I thought.

Well, no I wouldn’t even know but God who knows all would know.

I was certainly willing but fears can all too easily prevent us from moving forward in life.

I glanced back and forth at the crowd people on either side of me and I suddenly felt so alone.

Alone in a crowd of people.

My hands trembled as I fastened my seat belt and reached for something to read.

Anything….

“Fear not, for I am with you.”

Deep within words that had been deeply etched in my mind and heart from childhood

became a life preserver for me to cling to with all my might.

Not alone?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath.

Gradually the mounting waves of anxiety and fear began to ease

And I felt the plane begin to move.

This is it.

What if I fail?

What if I’m not able to adopt her?

A million what if’s peppered my thoughts and once more I heard those penetrating words.

“Fear not, for I am with you.”

With me. Blessed assurance and inner strength for my weak spirit.

I closed my eyes and thought back to times of success.

Times when I thought that surely I would not make it

but I was still alive. Still learning.

Still discovering that it is all about His Strength and not about my weakness.

David before Goliath moments.

Learning to look up and receive His Resurrection Power in place of my fears.

Again and again I remembered His Faithfulness.

A piano solo when all of a sudden I went blank – totally blank with fear

but suddenly my fingers played the right notes and I completed the song and heard the huge applause.

A time in a new school when I felt so alone but suddenly I found a friend.

A test that I thought I had failed only later to learn that I had not only passed but done well.

His Faithfulness breaking through my weakness.

His Peace becoming my shield.

As the plane soared up in the sky that night and I looked down on Washington D.C.

Twinkling lights in the inky blackness

My own light of faith began to grow.

Fears may come but He remains.

Doubts may be there but His Words are stronger.

It would be two weeks until I came home with my little bundle of joy

but the growing bonds of connection with God’s Love and Truth

kept breaking the chains of anxiety and fear whenever they came.

Are you discovering that for yourself?

Let go of your fears, your anxiety and worry

and receive His Peace today. You were not meant to live in fear.

Contact me if I can help you to do this.

 

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2 thoughts on “Me? Anxious?

  1. Nells Wasilewski

    Sharon, this was such an encouraging post. I have had many of those moments of fear and uncertainty. Suddenly a bible verse would pop into my head, and calm my fears. This is a lovely testimony of faith. Thank you.

    Reply
    1. SharonBrani Post author

      Thank you for your encouraging words, Nells. His Word is so powerful providing comfort just at the point of need. I long to hide more of it in my heart. Thanks for leaving a comment.

      Reply

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