Category Archives: Adoption

In The Waiting Room

It’s been one of those times lately

when I’m aware that I’m on hold in the waiting room of life.

I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed

and there seems to be no answer.

Day after day. Night after night. No seeming change.

“God is faithful,” I say again. And down deep in my heart I know that it is true.

But this narrow waiting room is tough.

It traps me.

I can’t go forward – can’t make a decision-

until I know.

Alone I remind myself of the truth –

God’s silence is how it feels, it is not how it is.

No, He is here. He is with me and He knows.

But I struggle humanly wanting to cut short the process and fast forward life.

When stuck in the desert I must remember the Truth.

He is here.  He is with me. He is with you. Always.

Years ago I struggled with a decision

One that would change the rest of my life.

I longed for God’s Will.

I hungered for Him to just tell me.

But day after day there was only silence

and night after night the same.

As frequently happens on planet earth

Time was running out.

I needed to make a decision.

Would I adopt a second child

or would I continue on to get my PhD in Family Studies?

It was easier to just go ahead with the academic work.

I had already been accepted into the doctoral program.

But

there was this nagging uncertainty and lack of peace.

A little girl needed me.  I thought I sensed that crazy thought.

I know it was ridiculous.

Why look at my age –  and I had long since given away all my little baby girl things.

But the noise within me and without grew with the passing of time.

God, where are you? I cried.

Quite suddenly I decided to get away for a few days –

to get away from work and daily responsibilities and all the normal routines.

I took my young daughter out of school

and started driving to the beach.

Mile after mile I drove all the way pondering the life changing choice before me.

Day after day I walked the beach in the early morning hours.

Day after day.

One step on the sand at a time.

Listening. Asking but mostly being still. Sea air blowing my hair moments.

I saw no visions,

heard no voices,

no fireworks or writing in the sky.

Simply peace.

And that growing desire to do what He wanted me to do.

Yes, Lord, I cried out into the silence while the tears trickled down my face.

Yes, Lord. I say yes.

With that it was as if everything was set into motion.

Another adoption was begun

that eventually ended in my going back to Russia.

I walked out of the waiting room and into the wild, crazy ride of an international adoption.

I faced challenges and was stretched in many ways

But I knew that He with me.

During those early morning walks on the beach I had sensed His Peace,

and that stayed with me

reminding me that when He calls me to do something much bigger than I

He is with me. I do not need to be afraid.

Silence never means you are alone. That is how it feels.

But that same silence only says He is very present

and at the right time

He will reveal the next step

Are you in the waiting room right now?

Do you feel the pressure of needing to know?

Rest in Him. He satisfies the need of every trusting heart.

May our waiting room experiences be transformed into worship.

And with that we both can receive His peace.

 

 

 

Someone To Walk With You Through Your Biggest Fears

Face it. We live in a sometimes very scary world.

What can we do?

Where can we turn?

Is it even possible to gain freedom from fear?

Yes – a resounding YES.

But not by trying to run from our fears

or fleeing what is terrifying us.

Not by begging God to remove the thing we are afraid of.

True freedom from fear comes by allowing God

to walk with us through whatever we are afraid of.

As a child I was very afraid.

From loud noises to new situations

snakes and dark places and on and on and on.

And although I knew the Lord I didn’t know how to shake the heavy chains of fear.

Freedom in Christ seemed a possibility for others

but not for me.

But somewhere along the way my relationship with Him

began to grow until

it grew bigger than my fears.

As I focused upon Who He is

I began to see how small my fears were.

Now, my knees might still shake at times

but because I know the One Who walks with me through everything

I am no longer paralyzed –

I am no longer trapped.

All I need to know is that He walks with me through it all.

And I know that I am safe no matter what.

How about you?

Are you will looking for freedom from gut-wrenching fear?

Let me encourage you to look to the One,

The Glorious One

to hold your hand through everything you face.

Stop the voices that try to convince you otherwise.

Turn away from your doubts and let Him walk with you.

Fears seem to evaporate in the light of His Presence.

He is stronger than anything or anyone

And He loves you with an everlasting Love.

Now that’s true freedom, my friends.

And He wants you to experience it too.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10

Sleeping Dolls, Silent Dreams

Twenty six years ago these words were penned. My heart overflowed with longing and pain.

May these words somehow comfort the heart of some woman today

who, too, longs and waits. He knows your heart. He cares.mother's day sleeping dolls, silent tears

 

A few months ago, I was cleaning in the attic

and came upon a big, old box tightly sealed, covered with dust, unmarked.

Wondering what was in it, I ran for the scissors and cut the tape.

As I opened the lid and saw what was inside

my heart twisted in sudden pain.

There lay my beloved dolls, my childhood playmates, sleeping.

Tenderly I lifted the large baby dolls- the one with soft brown curls and deep blue eyes.

I gently held her in my arms.

Her eyes were closed –

that peaceful smile still on her face.

As I held her, smoothing the little gingham dress and touching the knitted booties

My mind drifted back to days of long ago.

I had always loved playing with dolls.

And while I dressed them, fed them, and rocked them,

I dreamed about the day when I would hold my very own child.

My own flesh.

I wanted a house full of children, laughter and giggles.

But

the years have come and gone – and today

Those dreams seem further from reality than ever before.

It hurts.

The longing is so deep.

As I rose to lay my sleeping doll back in the box,

Tears trickled silently down my cheeks.

“Oh Father, You know how deeply I long;

How many times I’ve asked, Father. You know that I’m getting older.

Someday it will be too late.

“Daughter of Mine,” I heard Him whisper,

“do you really trust Me with all your dearest dreams,

with all your deepest longings?

My plans for you are the best. Just wait. You’ll see.

Now….feed My sheep.”

I closed the lid to my silent dreams and arose to serve my Lord—

grateful that He knows what is best.