It’s been one of those times lately
when I’m aware that I’m on hold in the waiting room of life.
I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed
and there seems to be no answer.
Day after day. Night after night. No seeming change.
“God is faithful,” I say again. And down deep in my heart I know that it is true.
But this narrow waiting room is tough.
It traps me.
I can’t go forward – can’t make a decision-
until I know.
Alone I remind myself of the truth –
God’s silence is how it feels, it is not how it is.
No, He is here. He is with me and He knows.
But I struggle humanly wanting to cut short the process and fast forward life.
When stuck in the desert I must remember the Truth.
He is here. He is with me. He is with you. Always.
Years ago I struggled with a decision
One that would change the rest of my life.
I longed for God’s Will.
I hungered for Him to just tell me.
But day after day there was only silence
and night after night the same.
As frequently happens on planet earth
Time was running out.
I needed to make a decision.
Would I adopt a second child
or would I continue on to get my PhD in Family Studies?
It was easier to just go ahead with the academic work.
I had already been accepted into the doctoral program.
there was this nagging uncertainty and lack of peace.
A little girl needed me. I thought I sensed that crazy thought.
I know it was ridiculous.
Why look at my age – and I had long since given away all my little baby girl things.
But the noise within me and without grew with the passing of time.
God, where are you? I cried.
Quite suddenly I decided to get away for a few days –
to get away from work and daily responsibilities and all the normal routines.
I took my young daughter out of school
and started driving to the beach.
Mile after mile I drove all the way pondering the life changing choice before me.
Day after day I walked the beach in the early morning hours.
Day after day.
One step on the sand at a time.
Listening. Asking but mostly being still. Sea air blowing my hair moments.
I saw no visions,
heard no voices,
no fireworks or writing in the sky.
And that growing desire to do what He wanted me to do.
Yes, Lord, I cried out into the silence while the tears trickled down my face.
Yes, Lord. I say yes.
With that it was as if everything was set into motion.
Another adoption was begun
that eventually ended in my going back to Russia.
I walked out of the waiting room and into the wild, crazy ride of an international adoption.
I faced challenges and was stretched in many ways
But I knew that He with me.
During those early morning walks on the beach I had sensed His Peace,
and that stayed with me
reminding me that when He calls me to do something much bigger than I
He is with me. I do not need to be afraid.
Silence never means you are alone. That is how it feels.
But that same silence only says He is very present
and at the right time
He will reveal the next step
Are you in the waiting room right now?
Do you feel the pressure of needing to know?
Rest in Him. He satisfies the need of every trusting heart.
May our waiting room experiences be transformed into worship.
And with that we both can receive His peace.