Monthly Archives: October 2013

O Lord, Do You Hear My Cry?

rose1My feet scuffle through the leaves enjoying the sounds and smells of the season.

I don’t seem to be able to gather enough of these fleeting  moments

And though for some it’s a reminder that winter is coming

for me Fall is a special gift to be  treasured. Always.

Perspective changes everything, doesn’t it?

As a child I have fond memories of raking enormous piles of leaves with my big brother

and then jumping wildly in them till we just couldn’t do it again.

Sounds of laughter filled the air.

Squeals of joy at being covered with piles of red, yellows, orange and brown leaves.

Giggles when coming up for air again.

A child’s playground all around in that part of New York State.

But then a few years later I remember vividly raking and raking a seeming endless  amount of  leaves

needing to bag each pile and drag it to the street.

Huge blisters and aching arms.

Suddenly Autumn leaves no longer held a charm for me

but spelled hard work,  pain and misery.

Today many years later

I scuffle through the leaves remembering the gift that for a time was painful

But still a gift.

Drowning in an ocean of leaves that seemed to accumulate as quickly as I could rake them

I cried out in despair.

No longer was I a young girl freely playing

no, I was older and needed to do my share of the work.

But gifts oftentimes do not appear to be gifts.

No, sometimes the gift is wrapped in hard work

difficult moments

blistering feelings and ripped heart strings

Relationship struggles that once seemed gift

but suddenly go wrong

Parenting challenges that stretch the heart and tax the mind

Bring one humbly down to our knees in cries for help and wisdom.

Still a gift, the Father whispers.

Look beyond the painful moment and hold onto the laughter of other times.

That day will come again.

You’ll see.

Our Father works behind the scenes

Hold on to the gifts He gives

and treasure them no matter how difficult it might seem in the moment.

Scuffling leaves

Leaves falling gently down outside my window this morning

remind me of His Love

and speak grace and hope

when the gift no longer appears to be gift.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Always –

 

Pay Attention To Those Little Signs

Our purpose unfolds as life moves us forward.

As a young girl my heart was drawn to adoption in the strangest of ways.

“Am I adopted?” I’d ask my mother sometimes feeling that I just didn’t fit into my family.

Always the quiet one

reflective and sensitive

I longed to do something meaningful with my life but had no clue what that might be.

From the moment I walked in the door of that HeadStart Program and faced the curious

stares of over a two dozen four year olds

I felt purpose and peace.

Yes, sitting beside those children teaching them letters and colors

they taught me the joy of wading into the needs of society and doing something.

My heart beat wildly251591_3815704947523_2123314045_n with excitement and passion and purpose as each day I went to that summer job.

Nineteen years old and beginning to see.

It wasn’t just the Christmas box that I slipped by the front door of that old broken down shack

that that little boy I worked with called a home.

Dad was an alcoholic, mother raising four children.

No, way before Christmas I had given my heart to do all that I could to relieve the needs

and help the children.

I went back to college having had a small glimpse of an ocean of pain and suffering.

A few years later I began teaching first grade

still drawn to do what I could for those who had so little.

Buying crayons and markers for those who had none.

Going that extra mile and discovering joy.

Weaving stories of hope and promise for those who had none.

Purpose continuing to flower as my heart embraced the call.

Spinning the globe as I sat in my living room floor.

“What country do you want to adopt from?” the social worker asked.

“Anywhere” I answered knowing it did not matter.

Wherever there was a child who needed a parent, I was open and willing.

Drawn to by an irresistible Love to do all I could.

Weakness stepping into an ocean of need and discovering that I was carried and supported

All along the way.

Raising two Russian born girls and finding it joy.

Purpose continuing to unfold as my life moves forward.

A purpose that had visible signs early on in my life.

Pay attention to those moments when you feel fully alive

And  on fire.

Is it writing? Then write.

Is it teaching? Then teach.

Is it working with children or the elderly or the sick? Then do that.

Whatever it is that taps into your hidden energy

embrace

and in so doing your purpose will be revealed.

As you give your life away

you will receive your life.

 

Shoes of Promise

5178_1096508691813_5325273_nI was looking for something else this morning as I pulled out the drawer

but my eyes fell upon a small pair of pink shoes and my heart skipped a beat with joy.

Shoes that were purchased in Kiev, Ukraine more than 12 years ago.

I had just left the orphanage after seeing a little girl with pretty blond hair.

“Yes,” I said when they asked if I would adopt her.

So they took me to the marketplace so that I could purchase clothes to fit her.

A pink jacket and matching pants.

Shirts and socks and a sweater.

And then my eyes fell on these shoes prominently displayed and I knew in my heart

that I had to have them.

Shoes that spoke of promise.

But the next day when I was driven back to the orphanage I could not enter.

No, for some reason, the adoption was called off.

Heart breaking moments to remember.

Back in my flat, I spread all those newly purchased clothes on the bed

and those pink shoes were in the middle.

Unanswered questions. Unspoken grief.  Heart broken with disappointment.

A few days later I flew back to the States only knowing that God had a Plan.

He knew my pain and walked with me over the next few months.

Those little pink shoes sat on my dresser as a constant reminder of His Promise.

Many months later evenst unfolded for me to travel to Russia to adopt a little girl.

Beautiful  in every way.

God’s chosen child.

I took with me that pair of pink shoes

and on the  day  I was to bring her home

I took them out of my purse

Just to see if, perchance, they would fit.

She sat on the carpet while I unbuckled them

and guided her tiny foot into one of them.

Cinderella perfect  fit. Shining moments all over.

Hearts overflowing that day

realizing again that God can always be trusted.

Delays do not thwart His Purpose.

Disappointments do not block the unfolding of His Time.

Beside me as I write are those precious shoes of promise

reminding me again

of God’s Faithfulness

all the time.

Allow the wonder of His Great Love to wrap itself around you today

No matter where you are

No matter how confusing your situation.

He will never fail you!

Amazing Love!

How can it be,

that Thou, my God, should die for me?